isa-normaladvance-1909-00040

Description:	40THE NORMAL ADVANCEMy spirit was crushed. Passing a saloon,late in the evening, after pacing the streets forhours in a vain attempt to forget my sorrow, Istepped inside. The laboratory was now hateful to me. It had made me a murderer of theonly being I had ever loved. The saloon seemedto beckon me as the one hope of forgetting mytrouble. On entering I found a group of university men seated at a table drinking andplaying cards. I accepted their hearty invitation to join them, and round after round ofdrinks were ordered. How distasteful was thefiery liquid as I first drained my glass. Soon,however, my brain burned and head reeled.Reckless of consequences, I continued in this,my first drinking debauch, until I rolled frommy chair. As I-fell to the floor that night Ialso fell forever from all my past life of respectability. My companions carried me-tomy room.There is little need to prolong the painfultale. I continued to drink constantly, for in allmy sober moments the sweet face of my lostMyrtle kept appearing before me. For a timemy professors saved me from the wrath of thepresident. Soon, however, even their importunities availed naught and the end came. I wasexpelled in disgrace from the university whereI had hoped to win undying fame. I could notgo home to Ferndale. No, mother must remember me only as the free and innocent Jackwhose altruism was of the Christ type.From the university I came to San Franciscowhere I have rapidly* trodden the primrosepath. Time after time have I secured remunerative positions, only to lose them throughthe demon, drink, which has pursued me, asFrankensteins monster hounded him, until tonight, it has conquered me in the last fight.All the above passed before me tonight.Maddened at the thought, I had recourse oncemore to the bottle. Long and hard I drank,until from sheer exhaustion I sank down uponthe floor. The horror that followed is still uponme. Grim monsters in the shape of deformedsea urchins seemed fo surround me. Attachedto some were human heads whose horror surpassed even the serpentine tresses of Medusa.One particularly malignant sea urchin, themost misshapen of them all, seemed to be theleader. Beautiful locks of the most lovelygolden-red hair I had ever seen, covered thehead. But what a head! Deformed andwicked, with a look of base ignorance, coupledwith low cunning, it was a sight which causedme to cry out in terror. It was like a nightmare of childhood, when, after reading somefairy^ tale, I retired to dream of ogresses. Icould not move, out lay transfixed, gazing intothe face. The mouth was large and filled withhuge grotesque teeth. With a sudden motionI was seized by the creatures. Great vulturewings appeared on them, and with swift flightthey bore me to the very gates of paradise,where I saw the sainted form of Myrtle. Atlast I felt saved. But no sympathy had notyet melted my heart. Myrtle appeared beforeme, but a change came over her countenance.She appeared a veritable Nemesis to me, thoughI thought I observed a tear of regret as shepronounced upon the fate I had worked outfor myself.I struggled to free myself from the seamonsters and reach her. Their hold wasloosed and I felt myself falling through interminable space, down, down to destruction inthe very pits of hell. Then all became blankand I awoke to find myself in a clean bed forthe first time in months. Attracted by mycries of horror, a man living next to my roomhad found me and summoned a doctor. I wastaken to the hospital where I now repose,awaiting the coming of death, which .the physician assures me is but a short time off. Myshattered constitution cannot endure the shockof the nights attack.Oh, if I could but. feel that I were anotherTannhauser—that my sufferings and sinswould be requited! But there is no Elizabethto pray for me. My vision of the night showsthe inseparable gulf between Myrtle arid myself. I cannot ask for her prayers. My soultells me all is lost. Deliberately I steeled my
Source:	http://indstate.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/isuarchive/id/34070
Collection:	Indiana State University Archives

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