isa-normaladvance-1914-00084

Description:	84THE NORMAL ADVANCEthe door apart from the others, you are one in a million.It aint that, piped back this one helplessly, as the rest of the congregation turned to gaze suspiciously at him. I cant get up—Im par¬ alyzed.June Manor—taking Storks advice goes to the book store.Salesman: You wish a New Testament, ma¬ dam?Miss Manor: Yes, but please, the very new¬ est.Miss Provines: Can I get a guide to write love letters here? • Clerk: For yourself?Miss Provines (embarrassed) : For myself? Oh, no! For—my—grandmother!Professor McBeth, impersonating Noah Webster, defines a janitor as being a skilled artisan educated to so high a plane of civiliza¬ tion that he can successfully stir up dust, that it will settle in another place.That man Alfred Ringham is a mystery to most of us. On one very important occasion he condescended to tell us that one of them was the same girl twice. ■Baby had been displayed in his best bib and tucker to a number of admiring callers. The last one looked him over and was evidently try¬ ing to think of something nice to say. Finally she remarked: Dear me, how much he looks like his father!Its only the warm weather, replied his mother, somewhat testily. The child is usual¬ ly right cheerful and handsome.Rightsell in the training school had pulled out his twenty-bladed knife and was explaining to his class how all the implements were use¬ less but for the modest bone handle.Which part of the knife, therefore, do I make most use of? he asked.A boy at the foot of the class promptly re¬ sponded : Please sir, the corkscrew.Some time ago Ruth Costelow journied to a dry goods store to purchase some bright colored calico for decorations.Are these colors fast? she asked.Well, I should remark, answered the clerk. You should see them when they start to run.Connor—Have you noticed that long hair makes a fellow look intellectual?She (names too numerous to be supplied) — Well, Ive seen them picked off mens coats when it made them look foolish.Meyer: I want to purchase a Christmas present for my lady friend. Suggest some¬ thing that will look big.Professor Schockel: Oh, get about five dol¬ lars worth of rice and have it cooked. Rice has a great expansive power.The teacher wrote the following sentence on the board, The horse and the cow was in the stable.Now children, what is wrong w7ith that sen¬ tence? she asked.Little Winnifred Ray waved her hand.Very well Winnifred.Please, it should be the cow and the horse was in the stable, ladies should come first.Teacher: Johnny, use-the word ransom in a sentence.Johnnie (a typical little brother) : Sis¬ ters beau ransom last night when pa brought the shotgun.Everyone knows that Dalton is a literary genius. The other day, when at his boarding club, he fixed his eye on the hash and said:Please pass me the Review of Reviews.
Source:	http://indstate.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/isuarchive/id/32528
Collection:	Indiana State University Archives

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