isa-normaladvance-1914-00084

Description: 84THE NORMAL ADVANCEthe door apart from the others, you are one in
a million.It aint that, piped back this one helplessly,
as the rest of the congregation turned to gaze
suspiciously at him. I cant get up—Im par¬
alyzed.June Manor—taking Storks advice goes to
the book store.Salesman: You wish a New Testament, ma¬
dam?Miss Manor: Yes, but please, the very new¬
est.Miss Provines: Can I get a guide to write
love letters here?
• Clerk: For yourself?Miss Provines (embarrassed) : For myself?
Oh, no! For—my—grandmother!Professor McBeth, impersonating Noah
Webster, defines a janitor as being a skilled
artisan educated to so high a plane of civiliza¬
tion that he can successfully stir up dust, that it
will settle in another place.That man Alfred Ringham is a mystery to
most of us. On one very important occasion he
condescended to tell us that one of them was
the same girl twice. ■Baby had been displayed in his best bib and
tucker to a number of admiring callers. The
last one looked him over and was evidently try¬
ing to think of something nice to say. Finally
she remarked: Dear me, how much he looks
like his father!Its only the warm weather, replied his
mother, somewhat testily. The child is usual¬
ly right cheerful and handsome.Rightsell in the training school had pulled
out his twenty-bladed knife and was explaining
to his class how all the implements were use¬
less but for the modest bone handle.Which part of the knife, therefore, do I
make most use of? he asked.A boy at the foot of the class promptly re¬
sponded : Please sir, the corkscrew.Some time ago Ruth Costelow journied to a
dry goods store to purchase some bright colored
calico for decorations.Are these colors fast? she asked.Well, I should remark, answered the clerk.
You should see them when they start to run.Connor—Have you noticed that long hair
makes a fellow look intellectual?She (names too numerous to be supplied) —
Well, Ive seen them picked off mens coats
when it made them look foolish.Meyer: I want to purchase a Christmas
present for my lady friend. Suggest some¬
thing that will look big.Professor Schockel: Oh, get about five dol¬
lars worth of rice and have it cooked. Rice
has a great expansive power.The teacher wrote the following sentence on
the board, The horse and the cow was in the
stable.Now children, what is wrong w7ith that sen¬
tence? she asked.Little Winnifred Ray waved her hand.Very well Winnifred.Please, it should be the cow and the horse
was in the stable, ladies should come first.Teacher: Johnny, use-the word ransom
in a sentence.Johnnie (a typical little brother) : Sis¬
ters beau ransom last night when pa brought
the shotgun.Everyone knows that Dalton is a literary
genius. The other day, when at his boarding
club, he fixed his eye on the hash and said:Please pass me the Review of Reviews.
Source: http://indstate.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/isuarchive/id/32528
Collection: Indiana State University Archives

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