isa-normaladvance-1909-00093

Description:	THE NORMAL ADVANCE93CHRISTMAS DINNER RIVALS.We had a turkey for dinner yesterday,said Willie.Umph! said Johnny, we had the minister.WHEN THEORY DIDNT WORK.The new teacher surveyed her wriggling,restless charges with some dismay. But, trueto her oft-studied book of instructions as tothe best manner of implanting knowledge inthe young mind, she began:- Now children, what is it that a cat is covered with ? Is it fur ? Is it hair ? Is it feathers? Is it wool? Johnny Halloran, you mayanswer.Johnny, seven, soiled and starved looking,arising in a state of mingled contempt and perplexity, replied:Say, honest, is youse kiddin or aint yousenever seen a cat?—Ladies Home Journal.WHY, INDEED?Spinster Jane was being condoled with because she had no husband.Save your pity, she said independently.I have a dog that growls, a parrot that swears,a lamp that smokes, and a cat that stays outnights. Now why should I get married?Your husband will be all right now, saidan English doctor to a woman whose husbandwas dangerously ill.What do you mean? demanded the wife.You told me e couldnt live a fortnight.Well, Im going to cure him after all, saidthe doctor. Surely, you are glad?The woman wrinkled her brows.Puts me in a bit of an ole, she said. Ivebin an sold all is clothes to pay for is funeral.KIND OF A DAMPER.Aunt Samanthy—What are poolrooms, Jo-siah? Is it where the city folks bathe?Parke Roweler—Yes, auntie—er—that is, itis where they get soaked.RIGHT ON TIME.On a Pullman sleeper about seven in themorning, when the passengers were about readyto leave their berths, a tiny baby in the drawingroom began to cry loudly. Just at that identical moment the porter opened the door andsang out, First call for breakfast.—Ex.GIRL FRIENDS.Yes, said she defiantly. I admit that Ikissed him.Did he put up much of a struggle? inquired her best girl friend.—Louisville Courier-Journal.SILENCE FOLLOWED.Dear, said the young wife, I just cant waittill Christmas to tell you what Ive got you fora present.Well, replied the young husband, what isit?Ive got you a new rug to put in front ofmy dressing-table, and a bronze statuette forthe parlor mantel, was the answer. Now,what are you going to get me?Well, said he, contemplatively, how aboutgetting you a new shaving- mug and a razor?EXPLAINED.Tell me, Monsieur Levy, why do you Hebrews always answer a question by a question?Bah! Now vy should I answer your question by a question?—Transatlantic Tales.Lady (on street)—Do you know whereJohnny Tucker lives, my boy?Little Boy—He aint home, but if you giveme a nickel Ill find him for you.Lady—All right. Now, where is he ?Little Boy—Thanks. Im him.—Judge.What is it you like best about us girls?asked the sweet young thing.My arms, answered the youth.—Almanac.
Source:	http://indstate.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/isuarchive/id/34123
Collection:	Indiana State University Archives

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