Harmony School, 2005, Page 241

Description:	Dylan Makes Good on CampaignPromiseIn September, Harmony Middle School was upin arms. Why? Because of the suddendisappearance of their couch, which wasrumored to house the corpse of former Nirvanafrontman Kurt Cobain. That thing hadmeaning, man, said returning middle schoolerJack Michel. To add insult to injury, theyreplaced it with this flying saucer thing,commented Sarah Ayres. When time came toelect a student solidarity representative,Dylan said, if elected, he promised to returnthe couch. He was elected by a landslide andstudents waited eagerly for the return of theirmost treasured piece of furniture. Finally, afterhalf a year, Anthony Launer asked DylanWhats the deal, dude? Dylan replied thathe was finally ready to make his move. Andsure enough, the next day, a white love-seatappeared in the lounge. Dylan said, It’s toobad we lost Kurt Cobain, but at least we nowhave Ray Charles.Ron Artest Throws Drink at AriHarmony High School senior Ari Shifron wasthrilled with his internship at the IndianaPacers Headquarters in Indianapolis. Thatwas, until an unfortunate incident between Ariand Pacers basketball player Ron Artestoccurred. Apparently, near the end of a practicesession, Ron Artest became agitated at Arisprobing questions and tossed a plastic cup full ofwater in Aris face. Said Shifron of theincident, It was like, really scary. I guess Ishouldnt have dissed on his rap album.Article on page 261Middle School Angered OverStudent Solidarity MottoArticle on page 261New Harmony Sports TeamCreates WavesIts a combination of a staring contest,dodgeball- but with golf balls- and a free-stylerap battle, says captain of the Shizodgeballteam, T.Z. Wicket. One day I was just like,dude, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a sportwhere you got to, you know, like throw things,hard things, at people, and then stare at them,in their agonizing pain, and then rapped aboutit? The inventor of the sport and patron ofrun-on sentences, T.Z. Wicket rallied enoughstudents to create a school team, and the sportsoon raised in popularity. But not everyone wassupportive about Shizodgeball. Its ridiculous,idiotic, and totally inhumane! says teacherAndy Alphonse. Why cant everybody just doyoga, and talk about their dreams? Teacherssoon protested, but Shizodgeball enthusiastsjust kept playing. The Man just can’t keep usdown, man! Shizodgeball is in our hearts! topplayer McCarry says.Continued on page 261Phil
Source:	http://cdm17129.contentdm.oclc.org/cdm/ref/collection/hs-harmony/id/3358
Collection:	Harmony School

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